5.03.2008

Sunday, Bloody Sunday

god has been on my heart a lot lately


i don't know if i'll ever be comfortable with that phrase. but it might be true. not that i think that he's been talking to me or trying to change me or convincing me to dump my girlfriend....but i can't stop thinking about him.

i'm incredibly blessed. i need someone to thank.
or is ayn rand right? do i reap what a sow? i cant decide.

i would venture to say that for the past four years i've fought with every ounce of my body to be not a typical christian. i don't like the cheese. i don't like the blame. i don't like the guilt. but for some reason i've been yearning for it all. damnit.

this summer i'm going to subject myself to some rather intense personal reflection and bible study. i have this picture in my mind of hiking up a mountain and exploring some serious topics by myself. i need to decide who i am and who i want to be.

no big deal, right?

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