In my experience
It’s true that
The best laid plans
Of mice and men oft go awry.
But it’s the best laid webs
Of spider-like ex girlfriends,
That always go exactly as they planned.
The trap was set with a challenge:
“So you really think we can just be friends?”
And it was sprung with my response:
Absolutely.
Then the hunt was on.
To find holes in my logic.,
To make me admit I still had feelings,
To justify your reasoning for not letting yourself think about me.
And with every leading response from you,
I kept getting tangled more.
Every, “who knows who or when I will get married…”
And every “I must be crazy, but I still feel…”
And even the implicit way you breath in frustration on the phone,
Transported me back to a day
When it was okay to:
Think,
To fight,
To feel.
(Like I was back in Waco, TX and you were saying, “Why do I have a boyfriend?” and kissing me on the mouth before you would let me leave)
Just like that I’m stuck.
Tangled in my own responses,
My emotions-
That seemed okay to vent at the time;
That seemed natural,
That you didn’t disagree with so harshly
But in actuality,
The ring has already been picked out.
The dates been set.
You’ve made your mind up,
But that doesn’t matter.
All that matters is that I’m now your prey…
“See, see, SEE?”
“I knew I was right!”
“This is why we can’t see each other-
because you still have feelings!”
Yeah…it’s only me who has the feelings.
That’s fine.
I’ll accept the consequence.
Devour me.
Please.
I’d rather die following my heart,
Than die pretending I’m something I’m not.
I might miss some time in the game,
But I’m not lying to myself.
I’m not tangled in my own web
Of “too comfortable”s
Of “what will people think”s
Or even “money”s.
Break out.
Do it.
Besides,
I have a beard now.
Things will be different.
