02.25.10

the diagnosis can be saved for some one who is a little less sure.

i am a crazy person.

the head aches,
the dreams,
the recent increase in thoughts that begin with "wouldn't it be funny if..." and usually end with some ridiculous action involving a coworker or friend.
even the viewing of Shutter Island on some deeper level made me question what in the world was wrong with me.
OR maybe i'm just like Claire from LOST who has build her own little world and everyone lies to me to keep me stable.
i did make up a friend for about 2 years there for awhile. i mean, she was real, but she wasn't really a friend-- if that counts.

so lock me up. throw away the key. narcissism is a crime punishable by solitary confinement. haha can you imagine how much worse that would make it??

oh lord, when is the stage where i get over myself and start caring about others?
oh, a relationship? marriage? family?
fine. just show me the one.

no...a different one. one after that one...and that one. thanks.

Sun 10:32 PM

There was some ill-begotten song that the spin class teacher would always play during sprints

"It's tooooooooo late to apologize. Toooooooooooo late."

And I guess in a lot of ways that's probably true; in most circumstances.

But I always like to do it anyway.

So I'm sorry if this is delayed, but...

Sorry for saying sorry I'm not sorry when in reality I really was a little bit sorry.

Sorry?

You heard me.

===================================

"I just want to get to a spot where I feel content, or happy, not having to keeping pushing or gathering."- me to my mom

"I can't promise you will ever reach that point. I think everyone wants to be there, but it's always a little farther away." -my mom to me

==================

It's a mind set. It's a heart set. It's a faith set.

Contentment isn't in a new job with an impressive firm (in NY or Dallas).
It's not in a Volvo C30 R-Design.
It's not in a hot girlfriend;
certainly not in hooking up with a hot girl-
or God forbid, multiple girls.
Hell, it's not even in an exgirlfriend you tried too hard to win back.
It's in Jesus.
It's in his sacrifice for us.
It's grace
GRACE GRACE GRACE

Dammit, you've known that for a real long time, Nardo.
Certainly before you did the laundry list above.

#####################

Are the Avett Brothers as content as I dream of being if I were them?

-- funny, typing that line just made me feel like an idiot.

*i am so blessed.
.GRACE.

--- but seriously, if i could ask for one thing, it might be a girl that is not some how linked to work, a previous girlfriend (sic) or questionably crazy. i think i just pigeonholed myself.